Independent and Single

It’s been a while. As I’m going home from office, I always think or ponder about anything. And I realized, it’s been a while, it’s been years being independent. I’m thinking, before I can’t travel alone or do something alone. There’s always someone with me, a friend, family or someone I love. Shopping, planning to go somewhere, choosing my clothes, doing things on my own.

As I grow older, maraming mga kaibigan ang nawala, kase iba iba na tayo ng nakikilala, we take different path in life na, pero hindi ko matandaan na as in totally I don’t have someone. Like a constant companion (friend or loved one), until 3years ago (well of course my family is always there). I was broken and found myself on my own. Nothing to lean on. It seems like for those years I was so dependent with someone, every decisions I made, It seems like neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval.

And then I realized I’ve lost my own identity, what do I want? Am I really a strong person like what everybody expected? No I’m not, until I stand on my own. To be free and happy and follow what I wanted.

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t one click and I’m happy to be alone. Of course the thought of being alone is so scary. But that’s the time it started. First, I pick up the pieces and look back at the things I wanted to do. It was travelling, adventure, being happy and strong. But then, I’m still leaning with friends, nakikisunod lang sa agos. Naging kaladkarin, kahit sinong kasama at kahit 90% of the group hindi ko kilala, go lang.. I’m so game. I’ve been to a lot of places, and sometimes naiisip ko, kung noon pa pala mas marami na akong napuntahan. I can go to malls and shop alone, and I’m still ok with it. If I wanted to try boxing and nobody from my friends wants to join, still I can do it my own. And the greatest experience, is to travel alone.

At first I’m really scared, not because I might be lost or something bad will happen, it’s because I might like it. And the dream or thought of having someone to love or be with you might fade away. But maybe all you need is to be alone, whether we realized it or not.

Maybe we need it to explore ourselves, to know what we really want. Because the more we know ourselves the more we are capable of giving love. Maybe it’s all about acceptance and awareness, to enjoy being alone.

Being alone will make you stronger, you’ll be surprised what you’re capable of doing.  I guess being alone is not bad at all. And I’m quite enjoying it. J But I’m still hopeful I could find someone I could share my life with…

ABS… Pangarap ka na lang ba?

During my teens and early 20’s days, kahit anung kainin ko, hindi naman ako tumataba. Flat ang tummy ko at walang love handles. Hanggang ngayon naman, payat pa rin, well at least pasok sa BMI normal range, nasa boundary nga lang, malapit na mag underweight, ahahaha. Pero yung tummy ko, ohmaygad, not flat at all, minsan lang pag bagong gising. Sana lagi na lang akong bagong gising. At ang lovehandles kamusta naman? Nakakafrustrate minsan, medyo conscious kase sa mga fats.

Kaya eto, I tried going to gym, kaso ang hirap naman ng schedule, we have rehearsals every Tue-Thu during weekdays, so no time during weekdays para maging consistent. Sabi nga sa gym consistency is the key. Kaso naman.. o sya siguro tamad lang talaga ako.

Then nakahanap ako ng panibagong pagkakaabalahan, boxing naman. Oh well, same thing. I have a hard time to find time, time time time. Weirdo. Kung wala siguro akong ibang pinagkakaabalahan, baka may result na.

But now, I’m still trying to reach my goal. Naisip ko kase baka sa mga simpleng bagay katulad nito, actually simple lang naman talaga, all you have to do is magsipag ng konti at disiplina, baka sakaling may magbago sa buhay buhay.

Pero eto na nga, consistency talaga. I’m trying..really, for the past two weeks, humahanap na talaga ako ng time for running and some routine sa bahay na lang muna. So busy with other events kase kaya di pa ulit nakakabalik sa pag boboxing.

Pero nun nabasa ko sa mga articles.., oh well hindi lang naman pala yan ang nabasa ko marami na. I’m thinking, ok, kahit mawala na lang love handles, and flat tummy na lang.. kahit wala na abs, masaya na ako. E kase naman, I can’t say no to this kind of food. 

Arrggghhhh.. kamustan naman diba? Plus junk food pa, but I’m trying my best to limit my sodium , sweets intake para sa kalusugan at hindi lang dahil gusto kong magka abs. pero pero pero, mahirap talaga. Kaya super bilib na talaga ako sa mga may abs, “respect”. Galing, well disciplined. Maybe just maybe… I could still change my mind regarding my healthy food intake. But let’s see.. I might reach the goal… consistency…

Na inspire lang ako ng isa kong friend, for 4 or 6 months payat na nya, she just do running.. oh well, consistent kase. Ehehhe.. super laki ng improvement nya. Kaya naman, eto na naman ako, sana naman e tamaan ako ng kasipagan.  Ehehehe.. let’s wait and see, baka this time… Maybe this time ang peg.

Just when I befriend everybody

We always have our firstday at work, walang masyadong kilala, nangangapa sa trabaho, nakatunganga, di alam san kakain, anung gagawin. Pero siguro sa mga nalipatan kong company, hindi ako nahirapang magadjust. In 1week time, nakaadjust na ako at medyo may mga kaibigan at kakulitan na. Pero nabago ang lahat noon napasok ako sa 2298 Pasong Tamo. Iba ang aura, akala ko syempre sa umpisa lang. Pero lumipas ang isang linggo, hindi ko pa rin sila makausap. Simpleng hi and hello nga wala e. Simpleng ngiti sa hallway wala din. Mga tao ba talaga sila o naligaw lang ako? Ehehehe. Iba kase talaga, unlike sa ibang company, pag nakikita ka nila for a week, kahit papano nag ngingitian na kayo sa hallway. Take note pa ha, 10 lang kami sa isang room. Akalain mo nga naman. Alam ko medyo may kakulitan din naman akong tao, pero sa sitwasyon na yon, hindi ko yata nagawang mangulit or makipagkwentuhan. Akala nga nila seryoso akong tao. Kaya feeling kawawa ako doon pag absent ang partner ko sa TX, mag isa lang ako, alone na alone. Ehehehe. Kase sila yun tipong pag sumama ka naman, OP ka.. so wag na lang. Yung feeling na hindi ka welcome sa group nila.

Oh well, dumaan ang mga events kahit mag kakateam, parang wala pa rin. Ganun pa rin kami, papasok, magtatrabaho… Sabi ko nga oldies ang mga tropa ko dito. Ehehhe. Kase sila naman may family na, wala na yung mga tipong labas tayo, or let’s watch movie after office or tara shopping…

Pero ang nakakalungkot at nakakatawa lang, kung kelan wasak na ang working place namin, kung kelan nagkaron ng delubyo, tsaka ko ba parang naramdaman sila. Na tipong, “ay nakikipag kulitan na sila sa akin”.. Yung tipong, wow ha, nakakasama ko sila sa travel. Kung kelan naman nagkakaron na kami ng chance to get to know each other, tsaka naman nagkaron ng delubyo.. Nakakalungkot din in a way, kase I never thought I could really be close to them tapos hindi na pala kayo magkakasama. But just when you thought it’s over, hindi pa pala. I’m glad we still manage to keep in touch.. kahit watak watak na. Then yung mga kasama mo pa rin sa work, mas nagiging close kayo, kahit ngayon, mas marami akong circle of friends sa new work. Nakakatuwa lang iba talaga ang karanasan ko sa 2298… E sa bagong table ko nga ngayon, wala pa akong 1week pero na manage ko na makipagkulitan sa kanila, or maybe yung iba sa kanila ay kakilala ko na.

I’m glad those people na hindi mo rin inaakala na magiging kaclose or sabihin na nating nakakausap, e mas nakakausap mo na ngayon. Yung ramdam mo na sa kanila yung presence mo. Kase dati akala ko deads na ako tapos hindi ko lang alam kaluluwa na lang pala ako, kase parang wala akong presensya.. ahahahah..

Sad lang din na totally disbanded ang TX team.. tatatlo na nga lang kami hiwa-hiwalay pa. Pero sabi nga maliit ang mundo ng telecoms. I’ll see you around for sure. Thank you sa lahat Sir Warren, ang dami kong natutunan sa work and life. And kay Sir Bing na talagang handang magshare ng knowledge.

 

Pero sabi nga first impression won’t really last. And some people who you barely know would help you out when you need them. Pero hindi talaga ako friendly na tao.. eheheheh