Sa pag hahalungkat ko ng mga papel sa kwarto ko, nakita ko ang isang sulat... Sulat para sa Ex-bf ko... 4yrs ago. With the help of my friend mia, kaya napaganda pa ang letter na ito.. When we first met I had doubts if you were serious with me, especially when I received a letter from someone warning me about you. But when you courted me, I got to know you. Each time the phone rang I always prayed that it would be you, it felt so good knowing that you’re calling. Your voice really soothed me. I never knew when and how it started it just happened. I realized then that I was falling in love with you. And I suddenly don’t know how to stop. I never expected that it is possible for me to love someone as deeply as I loved you.
When we started our relationship, I told you
“I’ll take the risk and be prepared for the pain and struggle that will come our way.” And they did come our way, they came in different packages, some little pains and some big hurts. I can say we were able to struggle together and conquer though not all of them. What we often ignored was the way it left scars in the relationship and our lack of interest to repair it. I used
we and
our, because I know that building and holding on a relationship should always be a double effort….. by
YOU and
ME. But at any given point, I never saw that in you…
My most recent pain was the last time you didn’t talk to me for almost a moth. It came as a bomb to me when I was finally able to reach your friend and she made it appear to me that you wanted out from our relationship without you telling me firsthand. But you see.. I didn’t give up then. I even sought the help of my friend Mia to reach you for us to work it all out. You never knew how devastated I was then. When we finally saw each other…we never talked about how I felt about it, neither yours. You even made me feel that what you did was just a justification of my actions because I’d been a naughty girl…because I did not listen to you. I tried to tell you how I felt but you weren’t interested to know. I was waiting for you to tell me about what you have said to Mia but you didn’t. I was so much prepared to listen.
We both pretended everything was all right. But it wasn’t Proof is what happened thereafter…until now. We never gained back the kind of communication we used to have. The kind of respect we had for each other. You might be unaware of it (I’m not really sure ‘bout that) but you completely shut me off. You abandoned me beyond my wildest imagination. I felt like a rugdoll left in a corner completely forgotten. I kept on wondering if I still have somebody to care for me, hold me…and love me. And my big question until now is DO I?
I realized in the end that what’s happening to me is so unfair…and that I don’t deserve this. Nobody does as a matter of fact. Not even my Yaya. And I think it’s unfair for both of us…clinging to a non-existent relationship. In my dreams perhaps.
I may still have so much love to give for you, Oscar. But it seems that you don’t want me to. I can’t say that we need space from each other. Right now the gap we have stretch all through the Great Wall of China.
But please do believe me that I don’t feel pissed about you. I'm fine now. I don't know how I survived it. Maybe I just know that I have to. Maybe you prepared me all through the course of our almost two year relationship. Or maybe i had to understand that we're not just meant to be... maybe not for now. Because I know that if I'm going to meet another Oscar in the near future i will still be falling inlove with that Oscar because you're worth falling for. You're even worth the pains accompanying it. I don't regret all the hurt I felt in the past, at least I had you. Having you was enough consolation for me.
I can't ignore the fact that you made me feel cared for, protected, and loved. The duration of our friendship was not all sorrows....a lot of times you made me happy. In fact, if i'm going to look back and reminisce the past all i'm going to remember about you, are the good things you made me feel and those are not just a handful. Those were accumulated in boxes that can fill my whole room: the times when you would lay me down on your lap because I'm to tired from school, your gentle strokes on my hair to help me nap, the times we talked on the phone for hours no end, the times you get mad at me because I didn't have lunch.
I'll miss all those things... I'll never regret that I met you... got to know you... your dreams, ambitions, your deepest aspirations. I'm thankful that you were there with me when i was depressed, troubled, tired and of course, when I was happy.
I will forever be thankful that I had you and that I fell in love with...
...because you're a wonderful person...and you will always be for me. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
And more than anything else...
I'll be here....for you... for always
