Independent and Single

It’s been a while. As I’m going home from office, I always think or ponder about anything. And I realized, it’s been a while, it’s been years being independent. I’m thinking, before I can’t travel alone or do something alone. There’s always someone with me, a friend, family or someone I love. Shopping, planning to go somewhere, choosing my clothes, doing things on my own.

As I grow older, maraming mga kaibigan ang nawala, kase iba iba na tayo ng nakikilala, we take different path in life na, pero hindi ko matandaan na as in totally I don’t have someone. Like a constant companion (friend or loved one), until 3years ago (well of course my family is always there). I was broken and found myself on my own. Nothing to lean on. It seems like for those years I was so dependent with someone, every decisions I made, It seems like neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval.

And then I realized I’ve lost my own identity, what do I want? Am I really a strong person like what everybody expected? No I’m not, until I stand on my own. To be free and happy and follow what I wanted.

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t one click and I’m happy to be alone. Of course the thought of being alone is so scary. But that’s the time it started. First, I pick up the pieces and look back at the things I wanted to do. It was travelling, adventure, being happy and strong. But then, I’m still leaning with friends, nakikisunod lang sa agos. Naging kaladkarin, kahit sinong kasama at kahit 90% of the group hindi ko kilala, go lang.. I’m so game. I’ve been to a lot of places, and sometimes naiisip ko, kung noon pa pala mas marami na akong napuntahan. I can go to malls and shop alone, and I’m still ok with it. If I wanted to try boxing and nobody from my friends wants to join, still I can do it my own. And the greatest experience, is to travel alone.

At first I’m really scared, not because I might be lost or something bad will happen, it’s because I might like it. And the dream or thought of having someone to love or be with you might fade away. But maybe all you need is to be alone, whether we realized it or not.

Maybe we need it to explore ourselves, to know what we really want. Because the more we know ourselves the more we are capable of giving love. Maybe it’s all about acceptance and awareness, to enjoy being alone.

Being alone will make you stronger, you’ll be surprised what you’re capable of doing.  I guess being alone is not bad at all. And I’m quite enjoying it. J But I’m still hopeful I could find someone I could share my life with…

Kunin mo na ang lahat sa akin, wag lang ang aking KAPE

Coffee is my life. Parang I can’t live without coffee. 6months ago, medyo mataas ang acidity ko. Siguro nagtrigger na din kase napaparami ang take ng coffee.. Sometimes kahit walang laman tyan ko, basta may coffee solve na ang umaga ko. Pero recently nagrereact talaga ng bongga ang tummy ko, napansin ko when I have Caramel Macchiato. I don’t know pero super kumukulo talaga tyan ko with Macchiato. I used to have it every morning. Then dumating yung time na need to consult a doctor na, iba talaga kase yung pakiramdam.

Need kong iwasan, peanuts, tomato based food, spicy food, chocolates, soda.. and coffee. Pero hindi naman nya sinabi na totally bawal and kape.. ehehehh. Nakaka3-4 cups a day ako ng coffee, pero sabi ni Doc mga once na lang, at least hindi naman yung totally wala. Baka magchill ako nyan.. ahahahh (may withdrawal syndrome)

I super love coffee, pero dahil love kita, iniwasan muna kita, para may forever tayo.. hihihi.. Sacrifice muna, darating din ang tamang panahon. Ahahha. 1 week ata akong nagtiis na hindi magkape. Then after a week, pa konti konti sa morning, and I’m fine naman. Medyo sinusumpong pa rin lalo na pag kumain ng peanuts, and junk food.. Watch out na lang sa mga food na nagttrigger. 

May kinahantungan din naman ang pagssacrifice ko sa kape, iniwasan ko na rin totally ang soda and alcohol (well di naman na ako masyadong umiinom) para lang maitawid ko at mabigyan ng justice ang pagkakape ko.. So far, regularly nag kakape na ako ulit, every morning and afternoon… sometimes may in between pa. I don’t know pero iba talaga pakiramdam ng walang kape. Pero hindi ko na nga lang talaga nittry ang caramel macchiato ng SB, nadala na ako. I tried it again once, pero iba talaga.

Now I want my coffee as black… no sugar. Pero na eenjoy ko rin ang may creamer and sugar. It depends, so sometimes, may 2 parts ang kape ko.. sa 1 cup, un first part, all black, pag kalahati na, lalagyan ko na ng milk and sugar.. ehehhe.. 

Basta kaya kong isacrifice lahat, wag lang kape. Kahit di na ko magchocolate and cakes, wag lang kape. So ayan, pasko na.. eto na naman tong mga stickers na to… :) 

Thoughts of you

I wish I could go back
To the days when I can still hold you
Maybe things will be different
But time was so cruel
Didn't give us permission
To hold each other longer
But I know your happy now
And I am too
You're one of the best memories
Here in my heart

ABS… Pangarap ka na lang ba?

During my teens and early 20’s days, kahit anung kainin ko, hindi naman ako tumataba. Flat ang tummy ko at walang love handles. Hanggang ngayon naman, payat pa rin, well at least pasok sa BMI normal range, nasa boundary nga lang, malapit na mag underweight, ahahaha. Pero yung tummy ko, ohmaygad, not flat at all, minsan lang pag bagong gising. Sana lagi na lang akong bagong gising. At ang lovehandles kamusta naman? Nakakafrustrate minsan, medyo conscious kase sa mga fats.

Kaya eto, I tried going to gym, kaso ang hirap naman ng schedule, we have rehearsals every Tue-Thu during weekdays, so no time during weekdays para maging consistent. Sabi nga sa gym consistency is the key. Kaso naman.. o sya siguro tamad lang talaga ako.

Then nakahanap ako ng panibagong pagkakaabalahan, boxing naman. Oh well, same thing. I have a hard time to find time, time time time. Weirdo. Kung wala siguro akong ibang pinagkakaabalahan, baka may result na.

But now, I’m still trying to reach my goal. Naisip ko kase baka sa mga simpleng bagay katulad nito, actually simple lang naman talaga, all you have to do is magsipag ng konti at disiplina, baka sakaling may magbago sa buhay buhay.

Pero eto na nga, consistency talaga. I’m trying..really, for the past two weeks, humahanap na talaga ako ng time for running and some routine sa bahay na lang muna. So busy with other events kase kaya di pa ulit nakakabalik sa pag boboxing.

Pero nun nabasa ko sa mga articles.., oh well hindi lang naman pala yan ang nabasa ko marami na. I’m thinking, ok, kahit mawala na lang love handles, and flat tummy na lang.. kahit wala na abs, masaya na ako. E kase naman, I can’t say no to this kind of food. 

Arrggghhhh.. kamustan naman diba? Plus junk food pa, but I’m trying my best to limit my sodium , sweets intake para sa kalusugan at hindi lang dahil gusto kong magka abs. pero pero pero, mahirap talaga. Kaya super bilib na talaga ako sa mga may abs, “respect”. Galing, well disciplined. Maybe just maybe… I could still change my mind regarding my healthy food intake. But let’s see.. I might reach the goal… consistency…

Na inspire lang ako ng isa kong friend, for 4 or 6 months payat na nya, she just do running.. oh well, consistent kase. Ehehhe.. super laki ng improvement nya. Kaya naman, eto na naman ako, sana naman e tamaan ako ng kasipagan.  Ehehehe.. let’s wait and see, baka this time… Maybe this time ang peg.