It’s been a while. As I’m going home from office, I always
think or ponder about anything. And I realized, it’s been a while, it’s been
years being independent. I’m thinking, before I can’t travel alone or do
something alone. There’s always someone with me, a friend, family or someone I
love. Shopping, planning to go somewhere, choosing my clothes, doing things on
my own.
As I grow older, maraming mga kaibigan ang nawala, kase iba
iba na tayo ng nakikilala, we take different path in life na, pero hindi ko
matandaan na as in totally I don’t have someone. Like a constant companion
(friend or loved one), until 3years ago (well of course my family is always
there). I was broken and found myself on my own. Nothing to lean on. It seems
like for those years I was so dependent with someone, every decisions I made, It
seems like neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting
approval.
And then I realized I’ve lost my own identity, what do I want?
Am I really a strong person like what everybody expected? No I’m not, until I stand
on my own. To be free and happy and follow what I wanted.
It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t one click and I’m happy to be
alone. Of course the thought of being alone is so scary. But that’s the time it
started. First, I pick up the pieces and look back at the things I wanted to
do. It was travelling, adventure, being happy and strong. But then, I’m still
leaning with friends, nakikisunod lang sa agos. Naging kaladkarin, kahit sinong
kasama at kahit 90% of the group hindi ko kilala, go lang.. I’m so game. I’ve
been to a lot of places, and sometimes naiisip ko, kung noon pa pala mas marami
na akong napuntahan. I can go to malls and shop alone, and I’m still ok with
it. If I wanted to try boxing and nobody from my friends wants to join, still I
can do it my own. And the greatest experience, is to travel alone.
At first I’m really scared, not because I might be lost or
something bad will happen, it’s because I might like it. And the dream or
thought of having someone to love or be with you might fade away. But maybe all
you need is to be alone, whether we realized it or not.
Maybe we need it to explore ourselves, to know what we
really want. Because the more we know ourselves the more we are capable of
giving love. Maybe it’s all about acceptance and awareness, to enjoy being
alone.
Being alone will make you stronger, you’ll be surprised what
you’re capable of doing. I guess being
alone is not bad at all. And I’m quite enjoying it. J But I’m still hopeful I could
find someone I could share my life with…
