Independent and Single

It’s been a while. As I’m going home from office, I always think or ponder about anything. And I realized, it’s been a while, it’s been years being independent. I’m thinking, before I can’t travel alone or do something alone. There’s always someone with me, a friend, family or someone I love. Shopping, planning to go somewhere, choosing my clothes, doing things on my own.

As I grow older, maraming mga kaibigan ang nawala, kase iba iba na tayo ng nakikilala, we take different path in life na, pero hindi ko matandaan na as in totally I don’t have someone. Like a constant companion (friend or loved one), until 3years ago (well of course my family is always there). I was broken and found myself on my own. Nothing to lean on. It seems like for those years I was so dependent with someone, every decisions I made, It seems like neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval.

And then I realized I’ve lost my own identity, what do I want? Am I really a strong person like what everybody expected? No I’m not, until I stand on my own. To be free and happy and follow what I wanted.

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t one click and I’m happy to be alone. Of course the thought of being alone is so scary. But that’s the time it started. First, I pick up the pieces and look back at the things I wanted to do. It was travelling, adventure, being happy and strong. But then, I’m still leaning with friends, nakikisunod lang sa agos. Naging kaladkarin, kahit sinong kasama at kahit 90% of the group hindi ko kilala, go lang.. I’m so game. I’ve been to a lot of places, and sometimes naiisip ko, kung noon pa pala mas marami na akong napuntahan. I can go to malls and shop alone, and I’m still ok with it. If I wanted to try boxing and nobody from my friends wants to join, still I can do it my own. And the greatest experience, is to travel alone.

At first I’m really scared, not because I might be lost or something bad will happen, it’s because I might like it. And the dream or thought of having someone to love or be with you might fade away. But maybe all you need is to be alone, whether we realized it or not.

Maybe we need it to explore ourselves, to know what we really want. Because the more we know ourselves the more we are capable of giving love. Maybe it’s all about acceptance and awareness, to enjoy being alone.

Being alone will make you stronger, you’ll be surprised what you’re capable of doing.  I guess being alone is not bad at all. And I’m quite enjoying it. J But I’m still hopeful I could find someone I could share my life with…